I’m in a bit of a predicament. Three girlfriends and I are planning a holiday trip together. We all decided to forego family obligations this year and go somewhere fun. I’m soooo excited BUT there’s been a hold up.
One of my girlfriends makes significantly less than the other three of us. She doesn’t have the budget for some of the hotels we want to stay at in Rome, has made comments about the dinner reservation being pricey, and it’s starting to create some friction.
I am totally down to help cover and offset some of her costs so we can experience the trip the way we want but how do we handle this? Do I ask the other two if they’re willing to chip in to cover her? Do we sacrifice and look at less expensive options? I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable or like a charity case, but I also don’t want to compromise the trip.
We want this to be a trip to remember with little to no stress involved!
Love what you do, and thank you for this platform xx
Thank you for writing in. And may I just say Rome for the holidays sounds like the dream. Also, skipping the family drama during the holidays is a cheat code lol. You are living. And you are clearly a good friend for even thinking about this so carefully instead of just being annoyed about it.
This is a really tricky bind and something that rarely gets talked about.
I think the most important thing before any money conversation happens is to talk to your friend privately. Just make it you and her. It could be a text that just says something like “hey I want to make sure this trip works for everyone and I want to talk through the budget openly so nobody feels stressed.”
That'll give her the chance to tell you what she can actually afford without having to say it in front of the group. That conversation changes everything bc then you know what you’re actually working with and you don't have to tip-toe around with her to try and guess where she's at and try to accommodate.
From there you have a few options and honestly the best trips use a combination (even if there's no disparity between budgets)
Split the costs thoughtfully - not equally.
Instead of everyone paying the same, the three of you quietly cover the difference on the bigger ticket items like the hotel, maybe one or two nicer dinners. You don’t have to make it a thing. Just “we’ve got the hotel, let’s split food and activities” and move on. She contributes what she can and everyone has a great time. Nobody needs to know the math.
Or you can share a hotel room with her to offset some of the costs, too. Honestly, sharing a hotel with your best friend in Rome is not the worst thing.
Then build in a mix of experiences.
Rome is genuinely one of the most incredible cities in the world and some of the best things there are free or cheap. I loved the free touristy stuff like the Colosseum, the Trevi Fountain, all the open-air markets, etc. There's so much to do that's not expensive. Plan a few splurge dinners AND a few incredible cheap meals. That way nobody feels like every moment is a financial event.
Give everyone a no questions asked out.
Before you go, agree as a group that anyone can opt out of any activity without explanation and without guilt. that pressure release valve makes the whole trip way more relaxed for everyone, not just her.
The thing I’d really tell you to be careful about is to not change the entire trip where the three of you feel like you compromised everything you wanted for her. This is what will end up disastrous because you'll all start feeling resentful and thinking about that beautiful bowl of pasta from that Michelin restaurant you're missing out on.
The goal should be for everyone to feel good - including you.
You’re already being such a thoughtful friend by thinking about this. It's going to work out as long as there's open dialogue.
I can't wait to hear about your trip. It's going to be amazing - send me pictures!!