First of all…WOW - did you come up with your sign off name? I need to know. LOL I love it.
Ok now let's get down to business. You already know what's happening - you named it and you know it's not logical. But knowing something in your head and feeling it in your body are two completely different experiences and the gap between them is exactly where most women live when it comes to negotiating. Soooo let's actually close that gap.
The gratitude trap is real and it was designed specifically to keep women quiet and cheap. The idea that asking for more means you're ungrateful is a narrative that has been fed to us since the STONE AGES bc it works. But lets get one thing really clear - your employer is not doing you a favor by hiring you. They identified that you had the skills they need and they are paying for those skills. That is a transaction and in any transaction both parties are allowed to negotiate. The fact that one side has been socialized to feel guilty about it is not a personal failing at all - it's the system designed to work against you.
And on the “what if they rescind the offer” fear - legit employers do not pull offers cause a candidate negotiated. If a company does that they just revealed themselves to be somewhere you absolutely do not want to work. I just read a study that showed only 19% of employers have ever rescinded an offer after negotiation and most of those involved extreme asks, not someone politely asking about signing bonus flexibility. The anxiety is genuinely lying to you about the math here.
The reframe that actually helps is to stop thinking of it as asking for more and start thinking of it as providing information. You are giving your employer accurate data about your market value so they can make an informed decision. This is my go to line: “Based on my research I wanted to discuss the base salary.” That's a perfectly reasonable and professional and it is exactly what the person hired before you probably said without losing a single night of sleep.
Before your next negotiation conversation, look up your market rate on Glassdoor and LinkedIn Salary so you know your number, write down exactly what you want to say beforehand, and then practice saying it out loud until it stops feeling cringe and you start feeling like you can say it with confidence. Make sure to keep a document with your wins to bring to the table too.
On the education reimbursement specifically… you gotta just ask. Most companies have a budget for this that goes completely unused cause nobody asks for it. You are not taking anything from anyone.
Every dollar you don't negotiate for now compounds into a smaller salary, a smaller raise, and a smaller financial future. Do it scared. Do it anxious. Do it with your voice shaking if you have to.
Ready for my witty sign off? Short queens deserve tall paychecks. Go get yours, queen!!! xx
First of all…WOW - did you come up with your sign off name? I need to know. LOL I love it.
Ok now let's get down to business. You already know what's happening - you named it and you know it's not logical. But knowing something in your head and feeling it in your body are two completely different experiences and the gap between them is exactly where most women live when it comes to negotiating. Soooo let's actually close that gap.
The gratitude trap is real and it was designed specifically to keep women quiet and cheap. The idea that asking for more means you're ungrateful is a narrative that has been fed to us since the STONE AGES bc it works. But lets get one thing really clear - your employer is not doing you a favor by hiring you. They identified that you had the skills they need and they are paying for those skills. That is a transaction and in any transaction both parties are allowed to negotiate. The fact that one side has been socialized to feel guilty about it is not a personal failing at all - it's the system designed to work against you.
And on the “what if they rescind the offer” fear - legit employers do not pull offers cause a candidate negotiated. If a company does that they just revealed themselves to be somewhere you absolutely do not want to work. I just read a study that showed only 19% of employers have ever rescinded an offer after negotiation and most of those involved extreme asks, not someone politely asking about signing bonus flexibility. The anxiety is genuinely lying to you about the math here.
The reframe that actually helps is to stop thinking of it as asking for more and start thinking of it as providing information. You are giving your employer accurate data about your market value so they can make an informed decision. This is my go to line: “Based on my research I wanted to discuss the base salary.” That's a perfectly reasonable and professional and it is exactly what the person hired before you probably said without losing a single night of sleep.
Before your next negotiation conversation, look up your market rate on Glassdoor and LinkedIn Salary so you know your number, write down exactly what you want to say beforehand, and then practice saying it out loud until it stops feeling cringe and you start feeling like you can say it with confidence. Make sure to keep a document with your wins to bring to the table too.
On the education reimbursement specifically… you gotta just ask. Most companies have a budget for this that goes completely unused cause nobody asks for it. You are not taking anything from anyone.
Every dollar you don't negotiate for now compounds into a smaller salary, a smaller raise, and a smaller financial future. Do it scared. Do it anxious. Do it with your voice shaking if you have to.
Ready for my witty sign off? Short queens deserve tall paychecks. Go get yours, queen!!! xx