You are not overreacting. Financial incompatibility is one of the leading causes of relationship breakdown (I talk about this a lot in my book) and the fact that you are thinking about this before you sign a lease together means you are already ahead of most people who figure it out the hard way. Most people have this conversation approximately six months after combining finances when it is significantly less fun.
Here is what I want you to separate tho. There is a difference between someone who spends freely because they genuinely have not thought about it and someone who has thought about it and just does not care. One is fixable. One is a fundamental values mismatch that does not get better with time or proximity. Mr. Big was charming too and look how long that took to sort out!!
The question to ask yourself is not whether his habits annoy you. They clearly do and that is fair. The question is whether he is open to the conversation at all. Does he get defensive when money comes up or does he engage genuinely. Has he ever expressed any interest in building something for the future or is he completely present-focused. Because a person who has never been taught to think about money differently is very different from a person who has been shown and just does not want to.
Before you move in together you need to have the actual conversation. Not a hint. Not a comment about his spending. A real sit down where you say I take money seriously and I need to know if we are compatible here before we take this step. You are allowed to have that conversation. You are actually required to have it if you are serious about this person.
The answer he gives you will tell you whether you are building a future together or managing a very expensive situation alone.
And if he cannot have the conversation at all? Close the laptop. Put on your best outfit. You are the Fearless Girl and you do not need to stand in front of someone else's bull!
You are not overreacting. Financial incompatibility is one of the leading causes of relationship breakdown (I talk about this a lot in my book) and the fact that you are thinking about this before you sign a lease together means you are already ahead of most people who figure it out the hard way. Most people have this conversation approximately six months after combining finances when it is significantly less fun.
Here is what I want you to separate tho. There is a difference between someone who spends freely because they genuinely have not thought about it and someone who has thought about it and just does not care. One is fixable. One is a fundamental values mismatch that does not get better with time or proximity. Mr. Big was charming too and look how long that took to sort out!!
The question to ask yourself is not whether his habits annoy you. They clearly do and that is fair. The question is whether he is open to the conversation at all. Does he get defensive when money comes up or does he engage genuinely. Has he ever expressed any interest in building something for the future or is he completely present-focused. Because a person who has never been taught to think about money differently is very different from a person who has been shown and just does not want to.
Before you move in together you need to have the actual conversation. Not a hint. Not a comment about his spending. A real sit down where you say I take money seriously and I need to know if we are compatible here before we take this step. You are allowed to have that conversation. You are actually required to have it if you are serious about this person.
The answer he gives you will tell you whether you are building a future together or managing a very expensive situation alone.
And if he cannot have the conversation at all? Close the laptop. Put on your best outfit. You are the Fearless Girl and you do not need to stand in front of someone else's bull!